A Twist of Water includes some powerful dialogue between adoptive father Noah and teenage daughter Jira about their relationship. In what follows, Kai has selected some key quotes from the play and responded to them. I added my responses below hers.
JIRA
I still want to meet my mom.
NOAH
I don’t understand why! I don’t understand why you would want someone you don’t know or trust when I wanted you more than anything. More than anyone could want anything. P. 13
Kai: This is one of the first lines that spoke to me. It reminded me of when you and mom asked me if i was interested in meeting my birth mother, and honestly, I think you guys were more open to it than I was. Even at this point, I think I’ve become more and more indifferent as time has gone on. I would maybe at some point be interested in meeting my brothers, but I’m not sure why that is.
Tim: This is such a central and powerful emotion for all adoptive parents–the fear that your child will reject you in some way when they get older in favor of finding what society insists on calling the “real” mother and family. It is this very fear that keeps many couples from adopting in the first place because they feel like the child will never be truly “theirs.” While we knew it was the right thing to do to give you that option, it wasn’t easy either.
JIRA
Noah had the documentation to prove I’m the daughter, like, a passport, because that never leaves his wallet, because there have been too many airport security checkpoints and hotels and waitresses who are concerned and could he please just prove that he’s really supposed to be with me so they don’t have to call anyone? I had a passport when I was four, I think. I’ve never been out of the country. Do you want your jacket? P. 26
Tim: Kai wrote about this in her first blog, and I referenced the same idea in mine. I think this is standard experience for interracial families. Something Kai doesn’t remember is when we took a bus in New York City up to the Cloisters when she was an infant and before the adoption was final. It was very crowded and I was sitting apart from the family. The bus pulled over and stopped above Central Park and I looked out the window to see Kathy holding Kai and talking to two police officers on the sidewalk. Alarmed, I pushed out of the bus doors to find that the Black bus driver had called the police because he could not conceive of a White woman and a Black baby together. It must be a kidnapping, he thought. This shook us up pretty badly, but it was the only really traumatizing experience from that time.
JIRA
P.S. If you decide you wouldn’t like to meet me I’d appreciate it if you could send a list of hereditary conditions or things I should look out for. Thank you. P. 29
Kai: This made me chuckle a little bit but was definitely valid. At this point that’s kind of what I think about. Are there things I NEED to know? That would be helpful moving forward for my own health. I think it’s not so much that I don’t want to learn anything else, but more so, I get that everyone has a reason for doing what they do. I have been blessed by the decision that Lyn made, and am forever grateful for that. But knowing I want to bring my own family into the world, both biologically and through adoption, I would like to know things I need to watch out for. Things that would maybe have been helpful for me growing up. I know you guys shared all that you knew, but sometimes I wonder, is there more that I would need?
NOAH
You have no idea how badly I wanted you. Or how happy dad and I were when we finally met you and got to take you home. We wanted a little girl. We so desperately wanted you. And the day they put you in our hands…you were so breakable. You were the size of a book, and we could each hold you in one hand. We fought over who got to hold you. Dad was working nights at the hospital when you were small, so I got you to myself after dinner, and you’d fall asleep every night on my chest. I could feel your little heart against me. And I swear to God my pulse would always line up with yours. It still does. Baby. If you ache, I ache. Pp. 66-67
Kai: This was the one that brought up all the memories. You sir, are solid like a ship, moving silently through the waves. But when my heart was broken and in a way that was wildy more dramatic than the usual first love, break up and heartbreak. YOU came to bat for me. I don’t think I have ever seen a more poignant version of righteous anger. I cried talking to mommy and heard you in the background ready to book a flight and come to my rescue. I’ve always felt loved, but that–the instant readiness to protect me and take me under your wing and keep me safe in the face of an atrocious situation, will forever be one of my favorite memories. It was a lot, there was a lot of pain and agony in the process, but you were there, ready to be everything a father should be. A protector, a light, a shoulder to cry on. What else could anyone ask for other than that. I felt safe. Everything that was happening was breaking me in a million little pieces, but I knew, my dad had my back and that was enough to give a little warmth when I needed it most.
Tim: How can I add anything to this? These few sentences are enough to carry me through anything. I was a stay-at-home dad while finishing my dissertation (which took a while), which is one reason I think we are so bonded. We are a great advertisement for paternal leave! I am so grateful to have this type of relationship with you now that we are both adults, and for Passages to allow us to connect over this amazing play.
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